CROSSROADS

Creditos de Fotografia: beyondthebunker.com

Changes. Everybody hates changes, or at least I do. I know changes are supposed to make it better but when nothing happens in your life, you get used to being safe. 

Then suddenly, something triggers and changes start to happen. I find myself nervous, alone and not knowing what direction to take. 

I have been here all ready and it is happening all over again. Everybody expects you to be right on everything, because as far as they are concerned, you have never done anything wrong, but it’s a lie. 

You can’t pretend that nothing happened when it did, something triggered inside your soul and body that made you realize that you had begun to doubt. 

I am standing at a crossroad and I have two directions to take, but as I am standing here, my soul is confused and hurt. It shouldn’t be like this, haven’t you been at the crossroads so many times before? Then why is it so hard to choose every time. I don’t want to choose, I just want to stay here, safe. 

Safe from my own decisions, safe from somebody else’s decisions, safe from You. 

But then again, maybe I have never left the safe place. I have been standing here for so long now, that I had forgotten was it was to feel wanted, I had forgotten that life is adventurous, I had forgotten that I only have one life to live, I had forgotten what it felt like to take risks, unnecessary risks. 

I think of all those times that I needed to choose and the truth is that I just never did leave the crossroads, I just stayed there and expected everything to get better… and it did, after a while. 

Generally, I will think with my mind even before I do with my heart, because obviously my heart is always wanting and making the wrong decisions, but when my mind takes the lead, everything goes well. 

I guess I am just a little tired of my mind being the boss, and maybe my heart needs a break and needs to be able to choose for itself. 

So I am deciding to let my heart do that, and only because I realized that I am into You, however that happened? 

And even if I risk myself and find myself lost through the path, I will look back and say to my heart, you did it. You made a decision, right or wrong, but you made it. 

I know my way back home and if nothing ever does happen, I will find myself back at the crossroad, my safe place, and the place that I know by memory. 

I will tell my heart once again, “You are going back to the dungeons, I am not letting you out.” That is of course, until I have to make a new choice again. 

But, as of right now, dear heart of mine, I am letting you out, be wise and don’t inflict me pain, but if you do, I will understand. 

My heart, my mind and I, have a long way to go, were in it forever, or least until I die. 

The three of us together have a lifetime of choices and opportunities, so... let the adventure begin.

Paola 2014