SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN

Today, I felt it... it had been so buried inside my soul that I forgot what it felt like.

Today, I felt rejection again in its most subtle but hard way.

Nobody tells you they are rejecting you, they don’t, they just make sure you feel it.

“It hurts Papa, I was young when they did this to me, I have grown, and don’t they see I have changed?”

“You have to let go, I love you and my love covers everything.”

So many years have passed since I became this grown up woman who knows what she wants in life but today, when being vulnerable, she realized she is just a little girl wanting to be loved and accepted. 

I always thought if somehow I was good enough for people, for society, for my parents, for Papa, it seemed that I wasn’t and as I strived to meet everyone’s requirements ,  I stopped being happy, I stopped being myself trying to please everyone. What for? Did it work? No, I was rejected again and again and every day, I have to keep myself reminded that I exist, that I feel, that I am someone.

“I don’t fit in Papa, they don’t like me.”

“Forget them my child, they don’t know you as I do, you are perfect for me.”

“My love is enough, my love covers everything and it´s all yours.”

“Papa, where would I be if you were not here with me?”

“Lost my child, but not for long because I would be doing everything in my power to bring you back to me.”

“I love you Papa.”

“I love you too.”

And with those words, I can now go to sleep knowing that in Papa´s perfect love there is no rejection, there is no fear, there is no doubt. 

Paola 2013